Thirty-Two.

The hardest challenge with consistency is starting to be consistent. Not real profound, I know. But isn’t it true that the hardest person to motivate is yourself sometimes?

You’ve been down that road - a struggle to start a daily God-time, a diet or excersise plan, an attitude change, a healthy relationship, a ministry effort, a journey with Christ…. What is it that you want so badly but won’t let yourself have for one reason or another? What is that reason? Is it laziness? Is it money? Is it time? Is it the lack of desire to give up something else, like comfort, old friends, your past, your free-will, or in the case of Christianity, the big whammy - your whole life?

These are tough questions, but the truth is, starting something new is tough, and especially when it is good for you. We usually don’t have a problem starting bad habits again. It comes naturally for me to bite my nails, or speed on the way to church (on the way to church, for crying out loud!), or saying something rude, sarcastic, or belittling to someone else. On the other hand, when the cause is greater than self-satisfaction, a battle kicks off inside of me - a battle between my heart and my will.

My heart says, “God wants you to make time for Him,” “You’re not going to live as long and your ministry isn’t going to be as effective if you don’t stop pigging out at every meal,” “If you want them to followers of Christ, sarcasm won’t cut it,” “You can’t lead someone to where you haven’t been before - get in God’s presence,” or ”Don’t do it again - you’ve already asked for forgiveness for this sin a billion times!”

But what does my will say? Well, it doesn’t really say much. It fumbles over its words just enough to convince me that its excuse alternative is more of a priority right now than what Mr. Heart says.

I know that when you’ve got Christ in your heart, that He’s the one telling Mr. Heart what to say. God is beckoning your spirit to do what is right. Listen to Him. And do it. Just do it.

Then - don’t stop. Don’t be the loser we’ve all been a million times because of our lack of consistency. Be a finisher. Get started and don’t stop. Get God’s help because, trust me, you’re gonna need it to start with and you’re gonna need it to stick with it. He’s not looking down saying, “Boy, I hope he can figure this one out!” I can imagine He’s saying, “Dude - hello? Remember the God that made you, the One that healed you last time you were sick, the One that did you the ultimate favor? I know how to help! Remember about how I walked the earth and struggled with this stuff too? Just ask for my help and I’ll help you. I want you to do good. I know you can. Just make the decision and we can do this!”

My challenge to you is to start that thing you want to start so badly but never have actually started. And then keep it up! Don’t be a quitter! Quitters never win!

Thirty-One.

These next few months will hold some very bittersweet moments for me.

I have been working on scholarship applications and essays these past two days, and I, at moments, I am so excited to become a college student in September.  However, at other moments, I am thoroughly depressed about leaving high school, my home, and epecially about leaving Reality.

I have done a lot of growing during my time in Reality, and I thank God for people like Pastor Steve, Pastor Patrick, Pastor John Van Pay, Mrs. Kathy, Mike Winslow, and Pastor David and Sharon Barnes, who have invested so much time in my life and in my spiritual growth.

I also would like to publicly thank Pastor Rod, who has blessed me beyond words.  Thanks, P.Rod, for total support and for being that strong push in the right direction.  You mean so much to me and it is a huge honor to be close to you and to be able to serve you!

With moving forward in life, comes some looking back and some evaluation, in order to make the moving forward a little more smooth and successful.  These are the days of looking back, and the moments of evaluation.  These next 4 years will be an incredible growth spurt for me, and I can't wait to see how God is going to use me!

Thirty.

I haven't blogged in a really long time.  But I know it it something I want to do regularly.

I apologize for neglecting my journaling.  Sometimes we neglect the most important things in our life.  Why?  I'm not sure.

I have neglected some things in my life for too long, and now I publicly commit to stepping up my game.  

I will have a consistent quiet time because you can't lead someone where you haven't been yourself.  

I will balance my checkbook weekly because once every 2 months is clearly not enough.  

I will blog weekly because I want to be as cool as BooMama and Big Mama (comic relief).  

I will create and follow a schedule for each day of work at the church because too many times have I forgotten to do something important or procrastinated with something that requires more time than the "last minute."

I will.  I'm setting high standards, but as a leader, these are things that should've never been neglected in the first place.  I will not do that again.  

Oh, and one more "will."  I will brush my teeth everyday now.

Just kidding, that's something I've been doing for years.  I really try to avoid halitosis at all cost.

In the words of the Reality Exit loop on the side screens, "Y'all come back, ya hear!?"  (Clever idea.)

Twenty-Nine.

[Really, this blog has no purpose, other than the fact that I wanted to blog and this is what is on my mind. So, no spiritual lessons or questions - I'm just sharing my thoughts....]

Recently, balancing has been my issue. How to balance time, tasks, dreams, visions, realities, etc. It's pretty hard.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough; sometimes I feel like I'm doing too much. I ask God to fix it all - to help me get situated a little better and to get to the point where I grow more than I fall.

Currently, I've got a lot of things coming and going and staying and moving in my life.

I'm leading the most amazing, growing team of worshipers and musicians right now. I've never been so proud to be on a team. They are passionate about music, but more than that, they are passionate about creating experiences of worship for our students.

Things are constantly changing on our team. We're adding members, losing some, switching roles, some people are going wireless with their guitars, others want to, I want them to, but don't know if it's a priority or a fantasy because of costs, people are memorizing music and getting rid of their stands, people are moving, some are still working on that, some people are practicing everyday, some are practicing when they can, some don't need practice as much as others, some people are producing ideas, some are supporting ideas....

If you can imagine all that, and then that in a year I'm leaving for college. So for the person that's leading worship after me, I'd like to get things a little less confusing. I'm pretty sure that will never happen, but I'd like to say it's an okay goal. Or is it?

So I'm working through this stuff and it's hard, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. This is what I live for! I'm passionate about leading worship and I'm passionate about students connecting with God! I could stay where I am in life forever, but thank God that, with Him, it only gets better from here.

So the moral of the story is that I'm responsible for the large task of leading worship for our student ministry and it is hard sometimes, but with God's help I can do it and do it well! I look forward to seeing the things He will do with our team in the next year!

Twenty-Eight.

"I think for a minute about the story of the woman with the alabaster jar that poured it all out. And the religious people said, "It's too much. How could you waist this expensive fragrance in one moment? But I want to say to you tonight that if you're still measuring out your offerings, you haven't seen His worth."

God has been moving in me this week, really stirring things up in my heart.

I can't help but realize that I am a loser without God. Without God, I wouldn't be the person I am today. But it's come to the point that I've taken it all for granted. I expect certain things to happen for me and certain people to cheer for me, and I've began to expect that it doesn't matter how much I slip up or how rebellious I am or how little of a relationship I build with God, that these things will always happen for me.

I have recently realized that even though I may look great on the the outside and be a "Christian" doesn't mean that I am totally right with God and that I am following His plans for my life accordingly.

I've decided that it's time for this mediocre Christianity to stop. As for me, I will stop measuring out my offering--adding up the energy and the hours and the surface things about worship and life, and start paying more attention to who God is and what plan He has for me. I will spend time thanking God for His blessings and for the things that I so often take for granted, and spend time pouring it all out, connecting with God and growing in His Word, and discovering who I am and who I am going to be.

I know that with God, I will be something great. I know that with God's help, I will become a great worship pastor, who will inspire hundreds and thousands, perhaps, to worship God freely and expressively. Last night I prayed in the car on the way home:
God, I want to challenge kids to worship You more.
I want to challenge students to worship You more.
I want to challenge young adults to worship You more.
I want to challenge middle aged adults to worship You more.
I want to challenge keenagers to worship You more.
I want to challenge ninety-somethings to worship You more than before.
I want to inspire people to connect with the God of the Universe and show them that You love them with all Your heart.

I hope that you too, will join me in retiring mediocrity and getting desperate for what God has in store for us! We are His children, and He has a mighty plan for our lives.