Thirty-Four.

Today I was worried about a math test that I didn't study for last night. The whole way to school morning, I prayed and worried altogether - which isn't good at all:

^{James 5-8}If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

So, I was a wind-whipped wave today. But I stopped whipping those waves and started trusting in God when I got my test and 40 minutes later, I was confident I did good on the test.

I walked out of the class and tweeted:

Timothy_Hill

- God always shows up right on time. Why do we worry so much in life?

Soon after, Pastor Steve said this in response to my tweet:

steverayflores

@Timothy_Hill God showing up is such an interesting concept. He always there, we just never see it. We show up to see God.

Wow. What an awesome thing to try and wrap your mind around. It's hard to fathom, but God is already there. He's waiting on us. We look like idiots when we wait on God to show up. He knows what's gonna happen. He's got all the outcomes figured out. His spirit is already settled and He is already at peace with the future. It's when we finally stop worrying and fretting over stuff that we come to realize that He's already taken care of everything. He's waiting for us to quit our whining and worrying and catch up with Him in knowing that He's got it all together - He's too perfect to mess things up.

And hey, if it looks messed up to us - when the outcome looks lousy - we should probably realize that its usually us that's not all right. God's plan is flawless, so we have to learn to trust it and follow it no matter what we think about it.

So if I could re-tweet, it would say:

Timothy_Hill

- I always show up late to realizing God's got my back. Why do we worry so much in life?

Don't be wind-whipped.

Thirty-Three.

A lesson learned on the Reality Worship Team a few moments ago in practice:

I can usually sense when the team isn't "all there" or when they aren't playing/singing with excellence. I know that means that's something's not right today; something's not clicking. God isn't at the top, because stress has pushed Him down to the bottom. God needs to be at the top. Sometimes when the team is stressed or distracted by heavy stuff in our lives, it's best to stop practicing for worship, and start worshiping. Even worship leaders forget to worship sometimes when we need to the most.

There's something about God's presence and His unfailing peace. When things are pulling at us and stressing us out during the week, we have to stop what we're doing, wherever we are, and worship God. We must put down our problems and lift up our hands. We must abandon our prideful attempts to solve and run to the ultimate fixer of things.

God isn't an idiot - He knows when stuff is messed up in your life. He is just waiting on the magic words - "God, help me." We sing the song, "Whisper His name and He will answer you," but we kind of dismiss its simple truth - all we have to do is whisper His name (just say "Jesus"), and He comes running to you, ready to fix stuff.

So are you stressed?

Stop what you're doing, wherever you are.

Worship.

God will come and answer you.

Worship.

Thirty-Two.

The hardest challenge with consistency is starting to be consistent. Not real profound, I know. But isn’t it true that the hardest person to motivate is yourself sometimes?

You’ve been down that road - a struggle to start a daily God-time, a diet or excersise plan, an attitude change, a healthy relationship, a ministry effort, a journey with Christ…. What is it that you want so badly but won’t let yourself have for one reason or another? What is that reason? Is it laziness? Is it money? Is it time? Is it the lack of desire to give up something else, like comfort, old friends, your past, your free-will, or in the case of Christianity, the big whammy - your whole life?

These are tough questions, but the truth is, starting something new is tough, and especially when it is good for you. We usually don’t have a problem starting bad habits again. It comes naturally for me to bite my nails, or speed on the way to church (on the way to church, for crying out loud!), or saying something rude, sarcastic, or belittling to someone else. On the other hand, when the cause is greater than self-satisfaction, a battle kicks off inside of me - a battle between my heart and my will.

My heart says, “God wants you to make time for Him,” “You’re not going to live as long and your ministry isn’t going to be as effective if you don’t stop pigging out at every meal,” “If you want them to followers of Christ, sarcasm won’t cut it,” “You can’t lead someone to where you haven’t been before - get in God’s presence,” or ”Don’t do it again - you’ve already asked for forgiveness for this sin a billion times!”

But what does my will say? Well, it doesn’t really say much. It fumbles over its words just enough to convince me that its excuse alternative is more of a priority right now than what Mr. Heart says.

I know that when you’ve got Christ in your heart, that He’s the one telling Mr. Heart what to say. God is beckoning your spirit to do what is right. Listen to Him. And do it. Just do it.

Then - don’t stop. Don’t be the loser we’ve all been a million times because of our lack of consistency. Be a finisher. Get started and don’t stop. Get God’s help because, trust me, you’re gonna need it to start with and you’re gonna need it to stick with it. He’s not looking down saying, “Boy, I hope he can figure this one out!” I can imagine He’s saying, “Dude - hello? Remember the God that made you, the One that healed you last time you were sick, the One that did you the ultimate favor? I know how to help! Remember about how I walked the earth and struggled with this stuff too? Just ask for my help and I’ll help you. I want you to do good. I know you can. Just make the decision and we can do this!”

My challenge to you is to start that thing you want to start so badly but never have actually started. And then keep it up! Don’t be a quitter! Quitters never win!

Thirty-One.

These next few months will hold some very bittersweet moments for me.

I have been working on scholarship applications and essays these past two days, and I, at moments, I am so excited to become a college student in September.  However, at other moments, I am thoroughly depressed about leaving high school, my home, and epecially about leaving Reality.

I have done a lot of growing during my time in Reality, and I thank God for people like Pastor Steve, Pastor Patrick, Pastor John Van Pay, Mrs. Kathy, Mike Winslow, and Pastor David and Sharon Barnes, who have invested so much time in my life and in my spiritual growth.

I also would like to publicly thank Pastor Rod, who has blessed me beyond words.  Thanks, P.Rod, for total support and for being that strong push in the right direction.  You mean so much to me and it is a huge honor to be close to you and to be able to serve you!

With moving forward in life, comes some looking back and some evaluation, in order to make the moving forward a little more smooth and successful.  These are the days of looking back, and the moments of evaluation.  These next 4 years will be an incredible growth spurt for me, and I can't wait to see how God is going to use me!

Thirty.

I haven't blogged in a really long time.  But I know it it something I want to do regularly.

I apologize for neglecting my journaling.  Sometimes we neglect the most important things in our life.  Why?  I'm not sure.

I have neglected some things in my life for too long, and now I publicly commit to stepping up my game.  

I will have a consistent quiet time because you can't lead someone where you haven't been yourself.  

I will balance my checkbook weekly because once every 2 months is clearly not enough.  

I will blog weekly because I want to be as cool as BooMama and Big Mama (comic relief).  

I will create and follow a schedule for each day of work at the church because too many times have I forgotten to do something important or procrastinated with something that requires more time than the "last minute."

I will.  I'm setting high standards, but as a leader, these are things that should've never been neglected in the first place.  I will not do that again.  

Oh, and one more "will."  I will brush my teeth everyday now.

Just kidding, that's something I've been doing for years.  I really try to avoid halitosis at all cost.

In the words of the Reality Exit loop on the side screens, "Y'all come back, ya hear!?"  (Clever idea.)