Thirty.

I haven't blogged in a really long time.  But I know it it something I want to do regularly.

I apologize for neglecting my journaling.  Sometimes we neglect the most important things in our life.  Why?  I'm not sure.

I have neglected some things in my life for too long, and now I publicly commit to stepping up my game.  

I will have a consistent quiet time because you can't lead someone where you haven't been yourself.  

I will balance my checkbook weekly because once every 2 months is clearly not enough.  

I will blog weekly because I want to be as cool as BooMama and Big Mama (comic relief).  

I will create and follow a schedule for each day of work at the church because too many times have I forgotten to do something important or procrastinated with something that requires more time than the "last minute."

I will.  I'm setting high standards, but as a leader, these are things that should've never been neglected in the first place.  I will not do that again.  

Oh, and one more "will."  I will brush my teeth everyday now.

Just kidding, that's something I've been doing for years.  I really try to avoid halitosis at all cost.

In the words of the Reality Exit loop on the side screens, "Y'all come back, ya hear!?"  (Clever idea.)

Twenty-Nine.

[Really, this blog has no purpose, other than the fact that I wanted to blog and this is what is on my mind. So, no spiritual lessons or questions - I'm just sharing my thoughts....]

Recently, balancing has been my issue. How to balance time, tasks, dreams, visions, realities, etc. It's pretty hard.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough; sometimes I feel like I'm doing too much. I ask God to fix it all - to help me get situated a little better and to get to the point where I grow more than I fall.

Currently, I've got a lot of things coming and going and staying and moving in my life.

I'm leading the most amazing, growing team of worshipers and musicians right now. I've never been so proud to be on a team. They are passionate about music, but more than that, they are passionate about creating experiences of worship for our students.

Things are constantly changing on our team. We're adding members, losing some, switching roles, some people are going wireless with their guitars, others want to, I want them to, but don't know if it's a priority or a fantasy because of costs, people are memorizing music and getting rid of their stands, people are moving, some are still working on that, some people are practicing everyday, some are practicing when they can, some don't need practice as much as others, some people are producing ideas, some are supporting ideas....

If you can imagine all that, and then that in a year I'm leaving for college. So for the person that's leading worship after me, I'd like to get things a little less confusing. I'm pretty sure that will never happen, but I'd like to say it's an okay goal. Or is it?

So I'm working through this stuff and it's hard, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. This is what I live for! I'm passionate about leading worship and I'm passionate about students connecting with God! I could stay where I am in life forever, but thank God that, with Him, it only gets better from here.

So the moral of the story is that I'm responsible for the large task of leading worship for our student ministry and it is hard sometimes, but with God's help I can do it and do it well! I look forward to seeing the things He will do with our team in the next year!

Twenty-Eight.

"I think for a minute about the story of the woman with the alabaster jar that poured it all out. And the religious people said, "It's too much. How could you waist this expensive fragrance in one moment? But I want to say to you tonight that if you're still measuring out your offerings, you haven't seen His worth."

God has been moving in me this week, really stirring things up in my heart.

I can't help but realize that I am a loser without God. Without God, I wouldn't be the person I am today. But it's come to the point that I've taken it all for granted. I expect certain things to happen for me and certain people to cheer for me, and I've began to expect that it doesn't matter how much I slip up or how rebellious I am or how little of a relationship I build with God, that these things will always happen for me.

I have recently realized that even though I may look great on the the outside and be a "Christian" doesn't mean that I am totally right with God and that I am following His plans for my life accordingly.

I've decided that it's time for this mediocre Christianity to stop. As for me, I will stop measuring out my offering--adding up the energy and the hours and the surface things about worship and life, and start paying more attention to who God is and what plan He has for me. I will spend time thanking God for His blessings and for the things that I so often take for granted, and spend time pouring it all out, connecting with God and growing in His Word, and discovering who I am and who I am going to be.

I know that with God, I will be something great. I know that with God's help, I will become a great worship pastor, who will inspire hundreds and thousands, perhaps, to worship God freely and expressively. Last night I prayed in the car on the way home:
God, I want to challenge kids to worship You more.
I want to challenge students to worship You more.
I want to challenge young adults to worship You more.
I want to challenge middle aged adults to worship You more.
I want to challenge keenagers to worship You more.
I want to challenge ninety-somethings to worship You more than before.
I want to inspire people to connect with the God of the Universe and show them that You love them with all Your heart.

I hope that you too, will join me in retiring mediocrity and getting desperate for what God has in store for us! We are His children, and He has a mighty plan for our lives.

Twenty-Seven.

My prayer the same as David's today:

1 In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
2 Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness;
turn your ear to me and save me.
3 Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
4 Deliver me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of evil and cruel men.
5 For you have been my hope,
O Sovereign Lord,
my confidence since my youth.
6 From birth I have relied on you;
you brought me forth from my mother's womb.
I will ever praise you.
7 I have become like a portent to many,
but you are my strong refuge.
8 My mouth is filled with your praise,
declaring your splendor all day long.

14 But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
17 Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your might to all who are to come.
19 Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God,
you who have done great things.
Who, O God, is like you?
20 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.
21 You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

22 I will praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, O my God;
I will sing praise to you with the lyre,
O Holy One of Israel.
23 My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you--
I, whom you have redeemed.
24 My tongue will tell of your righteous acts all day long,
for those who wanted to harm me have been put to shame and confusion.
[Psalm 71 - NIV]

Twenty-Six.

I wonder - does everyone struggle to be consistently genuine?

So many times I notice myself show a different personality around certain people or reserve a part of my true personality around other people, afraid that if they knew who I really was, they wouldn't like me or would look at me differently.

I really want to become a genuine person and lose the masks.

I want to be a passionate follower of Christ who loves people and to see them grow in Christ and be involved in passionate worship experiences. I want to well-represent God and the people I'm teamed up with in life, presenting a constantly growing leader who, sure, has his struggles, but never gives up and never looks back.

I want to be that, and that all the time - whether I'm in my office (still sounds weird to say), or on stage, or at school, or at home (that's a hard one), or anywhere else. I want to be real everywhere I go.

That is my personal challenge from here on out. I will be consistently me.