This is My Story, This is My Song!

42. Committed, Not Comfortable.

2011-04-14T18:07:00.008-05:00

Been a while since I've posted. But here I am, and hopefully here you are too.

A few days ago I was catching up on some posts by Steve Flores and while responding to his post "Ask, Seek, Knock," I thought of one of the last verses of this passage of scripture (Matthew 6:33), and this is how I responded:

"I'm beginning to realize that Jesus isn't nearly as interested in our earthly concerns so much as he is with our Kingdom concerns. I think our flesh gets in the way of our Bible-reading sometimes and we force Jesus to tell us how he will make our lives super pleasurable and that, if we trust in him, nothing bad will ever happen to us and we'll be free from the troubles of this world. We kinda corner Jesus in to our narrow-minded, self-absorption. The truth of the matter is, though, that Jesus says focus on the Kingdom because what happens with the Kingdom is much more important than what happens with our ideal, planned-out lives. Jesus is saying that if we seek after him, there's a greater reward than pleasure in our lives. I think when he says, 'Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be given to you,' he's saying, 'focus on the Kingdom (not yourself), and more than you can plan or grasp or conjure up in your earth-mind will be given to you - a greater reward.' [my paraphrase] He's saying let me out of this corner you've backed me into so I can show you what's up!"

Then today in my Bible as Lit. class we talked about the story of the woman at the well in John 4 and I especially liked the next scene when disciples rejoined Jesus. Here's what went down:

The disciples told Jesus he should eat (he'd been on the road for a while; nice guys, those disciples). Jesus said, profoundly, "I have food to eat that you know nothing about." Then the disciples (clearly not the most fluent guys in spiritual metaphors) asked each other if someone else might have given him some food when they weren't paying attention. Dumb. Jesus replies to their oblivion by saying, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent me and to finish His work. Don't you have a saying, 'It's still four months until harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. ..."

I love this. Jesus is saying that there's more to life than little "needs." Our "essentials" are probably not the same as God's essentials. Jesus is telling us to wake up and realize that he has food that we are oblivious to - Kingdom food. God wants us to seek Him whole-heartedly, abandoning concern for our personal needs in our own lives. When we do that, I believe Jesus is saying that, then, we will be satisfied; not necessarily with pleasant lives (food, clothes, shelter, and riches), but perhaps. I'm just not willing to say that a missionary that's suffered and lived in the slums of the world, is not receiving a picture-perfect life because they weren't seeking the Kingdom. In fact, that's exactly what they are doing to get themselves into such a messy situation. God is calling us to get ourselves into messy, dysfunctional, uncomfortable places, because living out salvation is hard and requires that kind of stuff. God wants us to be committed, not comfortable. And isn't that what we want from our followers?

I leave you just like that.... Tell me what you think (leave a comment - it's super easy).

41. Baaah....

2011-02-22T12:45:00.007-05:00

Today, I will take a little break and hash out the passage we discussed at theWeekend retreat with theHouse this weekend. It was pretty challenging.

The Story of the Lost Sheep (Luke 15:4-7):

The story goes that Jesus was responding to the religious big shots' bickering about him loving the lost and hanging out with sinners. He didn't answer their bickering directly (as he hardly ever does - he's pretty good at knowing the real answer and the real miracle we need, despite our clueless questions and requests), but he simply asked a deeper question that, not only challenged the pharisees and religious scholars, but it challenged me to be more intentional in going after the lost and being more pumped up about it when they are finally found.

Jesus says, "Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn't you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, 'Celebrate with me! I've found my lost sheep!' Count on it—there's more joy in heaven over one sinner's rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue."

At the retreat, we took a moment to sit with God and this passage on Saturday morning, and I really feel like God highlighted a part of this passage like so:

"Wouldn't you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors...."

I'm not sure exactly what this entails practically, but I'm pretty sure God was saying, if you want to make a difference - if you want to reach the lost, you have to get out of your comfortable circle, your scheduled events in your planned atmosphere, and go out to them. Lost people don't just show up out of nowhere. If you lose something, it's not going come over to you and say, "Here I am!" No, it's lost. You have to go out of your way to find it. It's inconvenient and sometimes very frustrating, but you know as well as I do, and like Christ said Heaven does, when the lost is found, there's a party!

I want to brace myself for the going after so that I can have a reason to celebrate in the end!

40. You Give Love a Bad Name

2011-02-11T14:15:00.005-05:00

I read this two days in a row, yesterday in the NIV and today in the NIV and the Message. It's strong, so brace yourself for a challenge from Christ.

An Eye for an Eye / Love for Enemies (Matthew 5:38-48):

This is how the Message puts it:

Love Your Enemies

^38-42"Here's another old saying that deserves a second look: 'Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.' Is that going to get us anywhere? Here's what I propose: 'Don't hit back at all.' If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.

^43-47"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

⁴⁸"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you."

Basically, Jesus is telling us to get with the program - it's time to act like we're in the Kingdom business. If God loves everybody, regardless of their sins, attitudes, and personalities (because He wants to, not because He has to), then Jesus says we should too. Christ commanded generosity, even to those that slam us, take advantage of us, and rip us off. Sounds a lot like what Jesus did that time when he died for all of our sins.

Today, I am challenged to get off of the stage I've built for myself in this world, making me better and more deserving of love than others, and get into the Kingdom mindset that God has set up of loving the unlovable and even blessing the undeserving. After all, I was the unlovable, undeserving person once, and because Jesus paid my fees and gifted me love, I choose not to take his command to follow up and dish out love lightly anymore.

Jesus, you get me every time....

39. Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

2011-02-07T16:48:00.006-05:00

[Yes, 4 years ago on January 12, 2007, I began my blogging journey with a post titled "One." and as I committed, since then I have spelled out the numbers followed by a period in order for each post with the same consistent format thirty-eight posts in a row. Yes, I am aware that breaking this tradition may hurt all 2 of you readers' feelings, but in an effort to be a little more creative and sort of "spice up" my blogging, here's to a new titling format.] [The previous statement was extremely sarcastic; however, it has struck a very sentimental chord in the light of my blogging journey. Please do not go back and read my first blogs in an effort to join my reminiscing though - they're very corny. :)]

Oaths (Matthew 5:33-37):

How many times have we framed our unwillingness, laziness, or lack of interest with an excuse like "I forgot" or "Something came up" or "Oh, I just have gotten to it yet" or, more bluntly put, "I know I should've, but I just didn't - my bad."

Or how about when someone shares their totally legitimate, from-the-heart burden and we say, seemingly with compassion, "Oh, brother, I'll pray for you," or "Yes, I've been praying for you and your situation," only to have just prayed something once or twice as half-hearted as, "God, help So-and-So in their situation," or "Be with them, Lord. Show them comfort and peace. Amen." I'm not saying that those prayers aren't viable and heard/accepted by God, but I wonder if that's what intercession really is. I wonder if that's the committed prayer and burden-carrying So-and-So thinks he's getting.

Let's face it, if we don't get direct personal benefits, we're not really willing to go all out. But because we're good Christian people, we like to appear humble and holy and willing commit to a half a dozen things and causes we don't really care for as much as we say we do and know we should.

Why do we excuse this untruth? Why do we commit to things, sometimes, while in the same thought that declares the commitment, we accept that we won't fulfill the commitment or we place it on the bottom of our priority list?

Who said that excuses actually excuse us from keeping our word? Yeah, there's forgiveness for lying or being dishonest or not following up (however you choose to frame it), but it's so easy to accept the cycle of committing, not following through, making an excuse, saying sorry, and accepting the forgiveness...rinse, repeat.

What makes it worse is when we make promises to God or "in Jesus' name" and then we think those promises are just as easy to smear forgiveness over and move on.

Jesus had had enough with this. He said in Matthew 5: Stop swearing on God, quit swearing on the world, and start making your "yes" mean yes and your "no" mean no; don't be fake - when you say you'll do it, do it like it really matters, because it does really matter. If your "yes" isn't yes and your "no" isn't no, what you're doing is evil. [The latter a paraphrase, obviously.]

So I leave this to ponder: Am I fake in my commitments, trying to pull folks' legs to look holier-than-thou? Have I accepted the cycle? How much am I willing to change? Or am I even willing to up the ante at all?

Jesus is tough on his followers.... He's called us to more than we think! :)

Thirty-Eight.

2011-01-27T00:37:00.003-05:00

I'm back-tracking to Tuesday's passage. It was so good that I wanted to blog my thoughts about it. That, and today's passage is gonna need a little more digesting....

The Beatitudes (Matthew 5:1-12):

Blessed are the humbled, the broken, the righteousness-seekers, the peacemakers....

However, blessed, more strongly-put by Jesus, are the persecuted.

Some questions I asked myself:

Why do our habits and patterns out-weigh our passion and willingness to be persecuted?

Why is comfort so convenient?

Why do we think normal followers of Christ get to have comfort and easy-going lives?

Why have we settled for less than God has called us to?

Why do we think being persecuted is being looked down on or being frowned upon?

Why do we think being persecuted is missing a party or a few fun times?

It's not that. It's more.

Persecution hurts.

Sadly, I can't say it hurts me to be a Christian right now. Not in America. Not with all the stuff and the support and the convenient circumstances. I don't hurt like Jesus called me to.

Jesus hurt. He knew how big the cause was and he knew the price.

I think we've gotten too afraid to even hear the cost, much less pay up.

What will it take for me to throw everything I have and want out of the window and truly surrender to the cause of Christ - whatever the cost, however severe the persecution?

After all, "blessed are those who are persecuted."

Thirty-Seven.

2011-01-25T18:21:00.004-05:00

Here's to my reading in Matthew - specifically seeking to be more like Jesus by finding out who he was and what he did and who he is and what he wants to do in and through me:

Salt & Light (Matthew 5:13-16)

God has called us to do more than just sit here and do nothing.

Christ said we're a light.

-Light is important.

-We need light to see

-to see clearly.

He wants us to show people the way.

We can't show people the way if we don't know the way.

We can't be a light unless we have the light.

God, turn on the light.

I want the light.

I have...I am the light.

Thirty-Six.

2010-09-07T16:06:00.002-05:00

These past few months, God has been doing something inside of me. Not sure how to explain it or capture into a few words, and I'm not sure even if I know what He's doing really.

Nonetheless, I've become extremely hungry for God. I crave holiness. I want to be so close and intimate with Jesus. I want to know Him inside and out, and as a result I want to be like Him, doing whatever he says to do - total surrender.

You might say I'm just going through a phase and that if I just worship a little more or read my Bible and pray, that soon enough I'll be content like every one else - that it's natural for Christians to become more hungry on occasion. I assure you, this isn't the case this time. I honestly believe that in a time of significant changes, pressures, and uncertainty, God is shifting a few gears in my heart and teaching me a few lessons about dependence upon Him.

With what I believe were some divine moments and conversations and a series of obvious changes in my life in transition to moving to Dallas, I feel like things in my heart are getting stirred up in the most thought-provoking, focus-shifting, and lifestyle-altering way. I think in a time of drastic change I've realized, more-so than ever, that I'm absolutely useless without God.

Without God, I have no direction.

Without God, I have no future.

Without God, I have no peace.

Without God, I have no rest.

Without God, I have nothing but myself. And that just won't cut it.

Talking with Pastor Steve at lunch a few weeks ago, realizing how incredible his devotion to following Christ and commitment to sharing His love is, and also sitting through some incredible discussions/teaching in the staff meetings at the church in the past month or so, I've began to realize how radical Jesus wants us to be and how far out on the limb he wants us to step - how tight He wants us to cling to Him for security and how close he wants us to stay by His side, following His direction.

As a result of some very cool encounters in God's presence and some challenging changes, this has been my prayer:

It doesn't matter what I want, where I want to go, what I want to do. It's what You want me to do. Let Your will be done in my life, God. You take the control seat; You tell me where we're going and I'll go with You. I don't want You to follow me in my hopeless sense of direction, but, instead, I want to follow You. You know the plans for my life. You have plans for me to prosper.

God, don't let my nature of seeking comfort and blessing be in the way of Your plans. I don't want to be whiny and so self-concerned in my prayer and attitude towards life, complaining that life is too hard and begging You to make it all easier for me. I know Your plan might lead me through a lot of pain, sacrifice, and confusion, but today I decide to trust You again. Your entire life on earth was based upon sacrifice and discomfort so that I could live to worship You eternally. I sacrifice my desires and my peace to a God who knows sacrifice like none other. You chose to give Your life to a completely unworthy people, and what have we done to pay You back. I owe You, God. I owe You my life.

Here I am, God. Do what you want with me. I'll go where you want me to. I'll do what You want me to do. I'll sacrifice my comfort for Your will. I'll surrender my heart so You can make it like Yours - clean, holy, compassionate. I lay my life at Your feet, pleading: God, though I'm not worth it, please use me. I'm Yours.

Thirty-Five.

2010-01-13T21:10:00.003-05:00

I just came off stage from some super-passionate worship. Not that I doubt God's effect on lives in previous services, or think His presence was more available tonight, but I think that tonight our students hearts seemed to be more open and ready to receive the God's spirit.

Here's the set list: (*not the formula for worship success)

Love Enough

I Believe

I Stand Amazed (How Marvelous)

Where the Love Lasts Forever

From the very first song, they were jammin' with energy and passion. Nothing makes a worship leader feel less like a crazy lunatic than when the congregation joins them in clapping and jumping and singing and shouting out in the presence of God. (*Not that those expressions are the formula for worship success.)

My tendency is to pray that we can have that every week, but I realize that we shouldn't ever settle where we are as worshipers. So, I will pray that we can have more passionate services and that God will move us further in our quest to connect with Him and know Him in an intimate way.

I look forward to loving God with some students at First NLR and can't wait to share with them the fun of being crazy for Christ!

Thirty-Four.

2009-12-01T23:58:00.003-05:00

Today I was worried about a math test that I didn't study for last night. The whole way to school morning, I prayed and worried altogether - which isn't good at all:

^{James 5-8}If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

So, I was a wind-whipped wave today. But I stopped whipping those waves and started trusting in God when I got my test and 40 minutes later, I was confident I did good on the test.

I walked out of the class and tweeted:

Timothy_Hill

- God always shows up right on time. Why do we worry so much in life?

Soon after, Pastor Steve said this in response to my tweet:

steverayflores

@Timothy_Hill God showing up is such an interesting concept. He always there, we just never see it. We show up to see God.

Wow. What an awesome thing to try and wrap your mind around. It's hard to fathom, but God is already there. He's waiting on us. We look like idiots when we wait on God to show up. He knows what's gonna happen. He's got all the outcomes figured out. His spirit is already settled and He is already at peace with the future. It's when we finally stop worrying and fretting over stuff that we come to realize that He's already taken care of everything. He's waiting for us to quit our whining and worrying and catch up with Him in knowing that He's got it all together - He's too perfect to mess things up.

And hey, if it looks messed up to us - when the outcome looks lousy - we should probably realize that its usually us that's not all right. God's plan is flawless, so we have to learn to trust it and follow it no matter what we think about it.

So if I could re-tweet, it would say:

Timothy_Hill

- I always show up late to realizing God's got my back. Why do we worry so much in life?

Don't be wind-whipped.

Thirty-Three.

2009-11-01T18:21:00.004-05:00

A lesson learned on the Reality Worship Team a few moments ago in practice:

I can usually sense when the team isn't "all there" or when they aren't playing/singing with excellence. I know that means that's something's not right today; something's not clicking. God isn't at the top, because stress has pushed Him down to the bottom. God needs to be at the top. Sometimes when the team is stressed or distracted by heavy stuff in our lives, it's best to stop practicing for worship, and start worshiping. Even worship leaders forget to worship sometimes when we need to the most.

There's something about God's presence and His unfailing peace. When things are pulling at us and stressing us out during the week, we have to stop what we're doing, wherever we are, and worship God. We must put down our problems and lift up our hands. We must abandon our prideful attempts to solve and run to the ultimate fixer of things.

God isn't an idiot - He knows when stuff is messed up in your life. He is just waiting on the magic words - "God, help me." We sing the song, "Whisper His name and He will answer you," but we kind of dismiss its simple truth - all we have to do is whisper His name (just say "Jesus"), and He comes running to you, ready to fix stuff.

So are you stressed?

Stop what you're doing, wherever you are.

Worship.

God will come and answer you.

Worship.

Thirty-Two.

2009-10-23T11:31:00.001-05:00

The hardest challenge with consistency is starting to be consistent. Not real profound, I know. But isn’t it true that the hardest person to motivate is yourself sometimes?

You’ve been down that road - a struggle to start a daily God-time, a diet or excersise plan, an attitude change, a healthy relationship, a ministry effort, a journey with Christ…. What is it that you want so badly but won’t let yourself have for one reason or another? What is that reason? Is it laziness? Is it money? Is it time? Is it the lack of desire to give up something else, like comfort, old friends, your past, your free-will, or in the case of Christianity, the big whammy - your whole life?

These are tough questions, but the truth is, starting something new is tough, and especially when it is good for you. We usually don’t have a problem starting bad habits again. It comes naturally for me to bite my nails, or speed on the way to church (on the way to church, for crying out loud!), or saying something rude, sarcastic, or belittling to someone else. On the other hand, when the cause is greater than self-satisfaction, a battle kicks off inside of me - a battle between my heart and my will.

My heart says, “God wants you to make time for Him,” “You’re not going to live as long and your ministry isn’t going to be as effective if you don’t stop pigging out at every meal,” “If you want them to followers of Christ, sarcasm won’t cut it,” “You can’t lead someone to where you haven’t been before - get in God’s presence,” or ”Don’t do it again - you’ve already asked for forgiveness for this sin a billion times!”

But what does my will say? Well, it doesn’t really say much. It fumbles over its words just enough to convince me that its excuse alternative is more of a priority right now than what Mr. Heart says.

I know that when you’ve got Christ in your heart, that He’s the one telling Mr. Heart what to say. God is beckoning your spirit to do what is right. Listen to Him. And do it. Just do it.

Then - don’t stop. Don’t be the loser we’ve all been a million times because of our lack of consistency. Be a finisher. Get started and don’t stop. Get God’s help because, trust me, you’re gonna need it to start with and you’re gonna need it to stick with it. He’s not looking down saying, “Boy, I hope he can figure this one out!” I can imagine He’s saying, “Dude - hello? Remember the God that made you, the One that healed you last time you were sick, the One that did you the ultimate favor? I know how to help! Remember about how I walked the earth and struggled with this stuff too? Just ask for my help and I’ll help you. I want you to do good. I know you can. Just make the decision and we can do this!”

My challenge to you is to start that thing you want to start so badly but never have actually started. And then keep it up! Don’t be a quitter! Quitters never win!

Thirty-One.

2009-01-27T20:27:00.002-05:00

These next few months will hold some very bittersweet moments for me.

I have been working on scholarship applications and essays these past two days, and I, at moments, I am so excited to become a college student in September. However, at other moments, I am thoroughly depressed about leaving high school, my home, and epecially about leaving Reality.

I have done a lot of growing during my time in Reality, and I thank God for people like Pastor Steve, Pastor Patrick, Pastor John Van Pay, Mrs. Kathy, Mike Winslow, and Pastor David and Sharon Barnes, who have invested so much time in my life and in my spiritual growth.

I also would like to publicly thank Pastor Rod, who has blessed me beyond words. Thanks, P.Rod, for total support and for being that strong push in the right direction. You mean so much to me and it is a huge honor to be close to you and to be able to serve you!

With moving forward in life, comes some looking back and some evaluation, in order to make the moving forward a little more smooth and successful. These are the days of looking back, and the moments of evaluation. These next 4 years will be an incredible growth spurt for me, and I can't wait to see how God is going to use me!

Thirty.

2009-01-21T23:21:00.003-05:00

I haven't blogged in a really long time. But I know it it something I want to do regularly.

I apologize for neglecting my journaling. Sometimes we neglect the most important things in our life. Why? I'm not sure.

I have neglected some things in my life for too long, and now I publicly commit to stepping up my game.

I will have a consistent quiet time because you can't lead someone where you haven't been yourself.

I will balance my checkbook weekly because once every 2 months is clearly not enough.

I will blog weekly because I want to be as cool as BooMama and Big Mama (comic relief).

I will create and follow a schedule for each day of work at the church because too many times have I forgotten to do something important or procrastinated with something that requires more time than the "last minute."

I will. I'm setting high standards, but as a leader, these are things that should've never been neglected in the first place. I will not do that again.

Oh, and one more "will." I will brush my teeth everyday now.

Just kidding, that's something I've been doing for years. I really try to avoid halitosis at all cost.

In the words of the Reality Exit loop on the side screens, "Y'all come back, ya hear!?" (Clever idea.)

Twenty-Nine.

2008-08-15T10:30:00.003-05:00

[Really, this blog has no purpose, other than the fact that I wanted to blog and this is what is on my mind. So, no spiritual lessons or questions - I'm just sharing my thoughts....]

Recently, balancing has been my issue. How to balance time, tasks, dreams, visions, realities, etc. It's pretty hard.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough; sometimes I feel like I'm doing too much. I ask God to fix it all - to help me get situated a little better and to get to the point where I grow more than I fall.

Currently, I've got a lot of things coming and going and staying and moving in my life.

I'm leading the most amazing, growing team of worshipers and musicians right now. I've never been so proud to be on a team. They are passionate about music, but more than that, they are passionate about creating experiences of worship for our students.

Things are constantly changing on our team. We're adding members, losing some, switching roles, some people are going wireless with their guitars, others want to, I want them to, but don't know if it's a priority or a fantasy because of costs, people are memorizing music and getting rid of their stands, people are moving, some are still working on that, some people are practicing everyday, some are practicing when they can, some don't need practice as much as others, some people are producing ideas, some are supporting ideas....

If you can imagine all that, and then that in a year I'm leaving for college. So for the person that's leading worship after me, I'd like to get things a little less confusing. I'm pretty sure that will never happen, but I'd like to say it's an okay goal. Or is it?

So I'm working through this stuff and it's hard, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. This is what I live for! I'm passionate about leading worship and I'm passionate about students connecting with God! I could stay where I am in life forever, but thank God that, with Him, it only gets better from here.

So the moral of the story is that I'm responsible for the large task of leading worship for our student ministry and it is hard sometimes, but with God's help I can do it and do it well! I look forward to seeing the things He will do with our team in the next year!

Twenty-Eight.

2008-08-04T15:33:00.002-05:00

"I think for a minute about the story of the woman with the alabaster jar that poured it all out. And the religious people said, "It's too much. How could you waist this expensive fragrance in one moment? But I want to say to you tonight that if you're still measuring out your offerings, you haven't seen His worth."

God has been moving in me this week, really stirring things up in my heart.

I can't help but realize that I am a loser without God. Without God, I wouldn't be the person I am today. But it's come to the point that I've taken it all for granted. I expect certain things to happen for me and certain people to cheer for me, and I've began to expect that it doesn't matter how much I slip up or how rebellious I am or how little of a relationship I build with God, that these things will always happen for me.

I have recently realized that even though I may look great on the the outside and be a "Christian" doesn't mean that I am totally right with God and that I am following His plans for my life accordingly.

I've decided that it's time for this mediocre Christianity to stop. As for me, I will stop measuring out my offering--adding up the energy and the hours and the surface things about worship and life, and start paying more attention to who God is and what plan He has for me. I will spend time thanking God for His blessings and for the things that I so often take for granted, and spend time pouring it all out, connecting with God and growing in His Word, and discovering who I am and who I am going to be.

I know that with God, I will be something great. I know that with God's help, I will become a great worship pastor, who will inspire hundreds and thousands, perhaps, to worship God freely and expressively. Last night I prayed in the car on the way home:
God, I want to challenge kids to worship You more.
I want to challenge students to worship You more.
I want to challenge young adults to worship You more.
I want to challenge middle aged adults to worship You more.
I want to challenge keenagers to worship You more.
I want to challenge ninety-somethings to worship You more than before.
I want to inspire people to connect with the God of the Universe and show them that You love them with all Your heart.

I hope that you too, will join me in retiring mediocrity and getting desperate for what God has in store for us! We are His children, and He has a mighty plan for our lives.

Twenty-Seven.

2008-07-31T09:18:00.002-05:00

My prayer the same as David's today:

1 In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
2 Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness;
turn your ear to me and save me.
3 Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
4 Deliver me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of evil and cruel men.
5 For you have been my hope,
O Sovereign Lord,
my confidence since my youth.
6 From birth I have relied on you;
you brought me forth from my mother's womb.
I will ever praise you.
7 I have become like a portent to many,
but you are my strong refuge.
8 My mouth is filled with your praise,
declaring your splendor all day long.

14 But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
17 Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your might to all who are to come.
19 Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God,
you who have done great things.
Who, O God, is like you?
20 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.
21 You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

22 I will praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, O my God;
I will sing praise to you with the lyre,
O Holy One of Israel.
23 My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you--
I, whom you have redeemed.
24 My tongue will tell of your righteous acts all day long,
for those who wanted to harm me have been put to shame and confusion.
[Psalm 71 - NIV]

Twenty-Six.

2008-07-12T16:37:00.002-05:00

I wonder - does everyone struggle to be consistently genuine?

So many times I notice myself show a different personality around certain people or reserve a part of my true personality around other people, afraid that if they knew who I really was, they wouldn't like me or would look at me differently.

I really want to become a genuine person and lose the masks.

I want to be a passionate follower of Christ who loves people and to see them grow in Christ and be involved in passionate worship experiences. I want to well-represent God and the people I'm teamed up with in life, presenting a constantly growing leader who, sure, has his struggles, but never gives up and never looks back.

I want to be that, and that all the time - whether I'm in my office (still sounds weird to say), or on stage, or at school, or at home (that's a hard one), or anywhere else. I want to be real everywhere I go.

That is my personal challenge from here on out. I will be consistently me.

Twenty-Five.

2008-07-07T15:16:00.004-05:00

"This very day God has given you victory over Sisera. Isn't God marching before you?" -Judges 4:14

Wow. What a question - "Isn't God marching before You?" It seems like it should be typed in italics because of its sort of sarcastic tone, right?

Deborah from Judges might as well have said, "Of course you were victorious - God was in-charge!"

God knows what You are about to face and how difficult the issue may be, so He made a plan. And all You have to do is ask Him to take over and use His plan to take care of your situation.

So many times, we struggle to part with our own ideas and with our own plans, but if we could only compare the results of following our plans and the results of following God's, we'd see that God's plan is always better. I could see how this may be difficult, though, in that God's plans don't always seem like they'll will be better until the very end.

And that is where trust comes in. Trust is hard sometimes, but if we will trust in God, He'll never let us down...even if it seems like His plan isn't going to work at the moment. He will always come through.

God is smarter than you because He made you and mapped out your life a long time ago. So don't worry so much, and trust in God. His plan is better than yours and always will be.

And when you finally see God's awesome results--victory--thank Him for marching before you!

Twenty-Four.

2008-06-20T14:20:00.002-05:00

My prayer Thursday afternoon:

God, thank You for putting me in the place I am. I couldn't imagine being anywhere or doing anything else. Thank You for a group of passionate students that I get to meet up with twice a week and make cool music with. But God, thank You even more than that for making us realize that it's not about the cool music, but that we can use our skill and passion to create energetic and inviting moments of worship each week. Thank You for not sitting back each week and just soaking up our song, but for stirring up our hearts and filling the room with Your presence. You are good! I want You, and I need You. I am desperate for Your touch. Come into my heart and give me peace and joy. That's all I ask and nothing more. I don't care what this relationship can get me now, but I only care that I have You. I sincerely welcome You into my heart, that I can lead people where I've been and where I am--with You...where love is never-ending. Thanks, God!

Open Up the Sky -Jonathan Stockstill

Our beloved Father
Please come down and meet us
We are waiting for Your touch
Open up the heavens, shower down Your presence
We respond to Your great love

We won't be satisfied with anything ordinary
We won't be satisfied at all

Open up the sky, fall down like rain
We don't want blessings, we want You
Open up the sky, fall down like fire
We don't want anything but You

Our beloved Jesus
We just want to see You in the glory of Your light
Earthly things don't matter
They just fade and shatter

We won't be satisfied with anything ordinary
We won't be satisfied at all

Open up the sky, fall down like rain
We don't want blessings, we want You
Open up the sky, fall down like fire
We don't want anything but You

Here we go, let's go to the Throne
The place that we belong, right into His arms

We won't be satisfied with anything ordinary
We won't be satisfied at all

Open up the sky, fall down like rain
We don't want blessings, we want You
Open up the sky, fall down like fire
We don't want anything but You

Twenty-Three.

2008-05-24T19:13:00.003-05:00

Well...here it is...another blog.

I know, right? It's been forever.

So, I've nearly completed my Junior year. Praise the Lord! I'm so ready for the summer. Cutting out the whole school part of life is a definite blessing. Too bad it's only short-term.

I find it funny that while most students are excited to get out of school for more leisure time and to sleep in, when I think about getting out of school I immediately get excited about more time to be at the church and to spend with the pastors and staff there. I could understand if someone told me that I was obsessed or something, but in all reality I'm just always anxious to learn more and I've come to realize that you can always learn something at First Assembly.

So, look out folks because I come with loads of enthusiasm!

Also, be looking forward to some more blogs this summer (I just remembered the thrill of writing long, grammatically proper, yet light-hearted sentences).

Here we go!

Twenty-two.

2008-01-05T17:11:00.001-05:00

I'm not going back; I'm moving ahead
I'm here to declare to You: my past is over
In You, old things are made new
I surrendered my life to Christ
I'm moving, moving forward

These words have begin to sink in and settle in my heart and I've decided this:

What's been done before and the things of the past, of last year, or last week, or a few minutes ago--those things that didn't work out, held me back, or didn't move me or push me towards excellence as a Christ-follower--those things don't matter now. I have new visions and dreams and new goals to set, creating new choices to make. It's a new day, and I'm going to rejoice and be glad in it and that God gave me a second chance when he sacrificed His Son 2,ooo years ago.

When I dwell in the past, I've decided to repeat the same trip I've taken before. What I found at the end of the road yesterday, I'm going to find the same today. I need to pick a new route, in order to see new results. Pastor Ben said this recently: "You can't keep doing the same old things and expect different results." That's so true.

And when he said that, I decided that I needed to grow and progress. I can't expect for new things to arise and keep doing the same old stuff over and over. I need to change in order for things to change. Mike tells me often that you can't lead people where you haven't already been. So if I want the students in Reality to grow as worshippers and to become more passionate, I have to do that. If I want them to seek God, I need to.

So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to set out on a new and improved spiritual journey to seek God in all things and to dig into His Word and listen for His guidance. God has plans for me and sometimes I think I miss them because I simply become too lazy to listen or too lazy to ask Him what to do.

This year, I plan to wake up a whoppin' 15 minutes earlier so that I can talk to God and listen to what He has in store for me. And since it is so difficult for me to wake up early, I need to work myself into going to bed earlier. Please pray that I can do these things in order to grow closer to God, who longs to build a relationship with me.

As for me--I'm moving forward!

Twenty-one.

2007-10-22T22:09:00.000-05:00

Finally. A new blog.

I have now realized the true meaning of: "I don't really have that much time for blogs" and definitely agree with whosoever chooses to say it.

So my weekly blog went to "oops, I forgot this week" to "whenever I can, which isn't very often" when I started working at the church this past summer.

It has been quite an awesome experience to work at a church. It went from God's house that I only visit twice a week or so, to a place I can consider a home where people love me and allow me a chance to grow as a leader and to grow closer to God.

The First Assembly pastors and staff are great! They have accepted me as a part of their team and it is so overwhelming.

Trust me, its so strange for me to say "my desk" in "my office" at my "job" or my "work". I can hardly grasp that whole concept.

I remember being the nerdy 6th grader that wanted, literally, to be Pastor Steve, wearing his suit jacket in Sunday School and his name tags after Reality, just joining the Reality Worship Team and eventually understanding the true meaning of worship the next few years of Junior High. Now...I'm not so obsessed with P.Steve, but am still so grateful that I can work in an office outside of his and learn from him from a different stand-point than ever before. I've taken on a challenge proposed by he and Pastor Rod, and thank God everyday for even being asked to join the First Assembly team and to become an intern learning leadership lessons that no one else will ever have the opportunity to learn the way I have and still am learning. After being there everyday since June, I couldn't imaging doing anything else.

I really understand the phrase "everything is better in teams". Not to say I didn't understand it before, but to say that after witnessing it in the everyday lives of the pastors and staff around me it has become a true reality in my life.

God has blessed me with people like P.Rod and P.Steve and Mike Winslow that are constantly pushing me forward towards excellence in everything.

Thank God for a church who cares about a 16-year-old student who isn't perfect and isn't even mature in most areas of life. Thank God. Thank you, First Assembly!

Twenty.

2007-08-01T22:12:00.000-05:00

Hello.

Worship...

...was passionate tonight at Reality. God's presence was BIG! As I looked about the room from the stage, I noticed hands and voices raised to God like I haven't seen in Reality in a while. It was cool. And it is cool....

Do you ever just know that God is near. Or that He's moving around, stirring things up that have been settled for far too long? God is taking over my peers and making them into His worshippers. How awesome--to be called God's, to belong to God.

I belong to God because He made me.

I belong to God because He bought me with His own blood.

I belong to God because He has a home for me in the future.

I belong to God because He has made me His worshipper. I make God smile. He sees me and Reality with our hands raised and our hearts open, and He smiles.

You know, smiles are great. When someone smiles at me, no matter what my day has looked like or what sort of mood I'm in, I get happy and I feel loved.

That's only if another person smiles at me. Think about God! When He smiles at us, how loved and how joyous we should be.

So just think--when we worship and acknowledge God's glory and His power, He smiles. And smiles, for some reason, make people happier.

Thus, us worshipping = God smiling = us happier people. Sounds like a good deal to me.

Nineteen.

2007-07-08T22:27:00.000-05:00

Wow. It's been forever since I've last commented.

So, I just got back last Friday from the Deepening.

Wow! It was amazing! I got a lot closer to God and really developed a great hunger for Him. I also feel that I am going through an awesome growth spurt in leadership and spiritually, partially, I think, as a result of such an impacting trip. I'm ready to worship this week in Reality and to see the other students engage in worship as well. I think after this past week in Grapevine, Reality worship is only going to get more and more passionate and that we will only grow closer and closer to God. I saw some really intimate worshippers develop last week; even people I never would have imagined raising there hands were on their knees, hands raised, pouring their life out to God. I can't wait to see where He leads our youth group. It's going to be great!

Eighteen.

2007-06-07T19:50:00.000-05:00

Don't you want to be an good and wise person? Doesn't everyone?

After spending time in the Bible today at the church, I've decided to make that one of my ambitions--to be a good and wise person. Sounds exciting, right? Haha.

So I read in James 3, that wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings. So I thought, that's accomplishable! I can get along with people and be reasonable, and
can have an abundance of mercy and blessings, right? Of course it may take a lot of effort to get along with everyone and be totally forgiving and generous, but still its doable.

Then I read Psalms 112. It said this of a good person: giving; solid and lasting reputation; unfazed by rumor or gossip; heart ready, trusting in God; firm spirit, relaxed among enemies; ceaseless generosity; an honored life, and a beautiful life. This time I though to myself, I've got to work on the giving thing a little, I'm pretty sure my reputation is okay, I might need some help on being unfazed by rumor/gossip, I know my heart is ready and trusting in God, I don't have many enemies but I know that they don't affect me unbearably, and that I usually like to share. And of course, I would love to have an honored and beautiful life. Again, this is all doable. I can work on these things.

That's when I got a little excited about being a good, wise person some day. I want an honored life, and a beautiful one as well. Now I know what wisdom looks like and I want to go for it. I want to be gentle and reasonable, getting along with people, unfazed by rumor and gossip, absolutely generous and giving, and overflowing with blessings.

That's what God wants all of us to be right? My goal for now is to work on becoming a good and wise person, not that I will completely accomplish it anytime soon, but that I'll be striving for it.

I challenge you, too, to share the same ambition that I have. To be good in God's eyes and to have wisdom, like God's wisdom.

Seventeen.

2007-05-28T10:33:00.000-05:00

Blessed.

Have you ever just felt really blessed? Well, for me, these last two weeks have really been a blessing.

A job...at the most amazing place on earth, 1st Assembly, and my own car to get me there. Maybe for you that's not just the most exciting thing--work and a car that only takes you to work--but for me this is the beginning of a great adventure! ...Like a new chapter in my spiritual journey. I am so excited about the things I will learn and the things I will do in the next two years at the church.

Again, I say: Thank God for a church and pastors that truly care about me and my walk with Christ and my leadership experience. Praise God for parents that are constantly pushing me forward and encouraging me all the way. God is good. He is really, really good!

Also, pray that I pass these semester test coming up this week and next. They are going to be VERY hard, I know.

Sixteen.

2007-05-14T22:35:00.000-05:00

What an eventful week....

I like to be busy, constantly on the go, but at a certain point I become tired and ready to just sit still or actually be home for a day.

May has been full and often double-stacked with occasions. Here's what my month looks like:

Monday, April 30 - Barbershop Festival at Cabot High after school
Tuesday, May 1 - Took pics for Prom Promise at school, rescheduled piano lesson at 5:30
Monday, May 7 - Stayed home sick
Tuesday, May 8 - rescheduled piano lesson at 6, theHouse Phone bank (which I forgot about)
Thursday, May 10 - Checked out to secretly take family pics for mom on Mother's Day, Arkansas Symphony practice for choir after school at Robinson Center, Youth Alive Praise Night (couldn't attend)
Friday, May 11 - ASO performance at Robinson (couldn't attend), Young Warriors (4th/5th Grade) Weekend
Saturday, May 12 - Still with church for YWW until 2, ASO performance at Robinson
Monday, May 14 - my piano gets tuned (by the person that tunes the church's piano, so I found out), pre-recital piano practice with other students at 4:30, sing National Anthem with "Fantastic 5" sophomore barbershop (Tenor 1...WOO WOO!) at school awards ceremony
Tuesday, May 15 - Piano Recital in Little Rock, P.J.'s "going away party" that I was invited to via Facebook by Madison
Wednesday, May 16 - Reality's Got Talent (my last human video to perform with the Reality Drama Team...after 5 years)
Thursday, May 16 - Choir Concert
Monday, May 21 - Senior Choir Banquet

Yeah...I know, "WOW!" I'm a student! I'm not supposed to do this much stuff am I? Anyway, I'm basically ready for a break! Summer is going to be so nice.... This is my schedule for the summer:

Monday, June 2 - The Deepening!
One day each week - work with Pastor Steve at the church (Which, don't forget, we need to talk about in the next 3 weeks, P.Steve....)
Every other day - listen to the quiet and watch the stillness at my house
Some week - Family Vacation

Isn't that beautiful? So peaceful! Can't wait!

Now that I see how this has very little to do with my "Spiritual Journey," I'll ask you to pray that my voice will recover from being sick last Monday and from the additional damage done on Wednesday night during worship, Thursday night at ASO rehearsal, Friday night at the YWW, and Saturday at the YWW and ASO performance. LOL! Thanks for reading my useless nonsense. It wasn't very spiritual, I know.

Have a great week! Hope yours isn't so busy!

Fifteen.

2007-05-05T20:42:00.000-05:00

Have you ever just had that gut feeling that something big is about to happen? Like you can sense that good change or growth is near?

I'm so ready for the summer! The summer is always a great time for spiritual growth, considering that all school stress is out of the picture. There is 31 days until school's out, but I don't want to wait! I want to start getting deeper in God now!

This weekend I've been really desiring to be in God's presence. I have this great longing to get close to Him tomorrow at church, in the "corporate" worship setting. I sort of hear God whispering, "Come, now is the time for worship. You are welcome. Here I am. I'm waiting, Timothy. Give it a go! Now's the right time. I'll show you what My presence is! It's going to be great! I love you! Now, you love me."

It's times like that when I want to respond in worship. When I want to get deep in singing and rejoicing in the great things He has brought to my life. I say to God, "Here am I, all of me. I wanna go deeper. Pour out your spirit, oh God! I come to You for comfort and peace, Abba Father! Your grace is enough. In fact, it's overwhelming! Praise God! Hallelujah! You are good! I am not, but thank God, I know I AM! Rejoice in the Lord always because He cares enough to die for such a dirty sinner like me. Though You are big, You love me, no matter how small I am. I love you! I do love you, with all that is within me!"

Needless to say, I'm ready to redefine myself in God's presence, to find who I really am and where I'm really going and how I need to get there. Thank God that He's with me every step I take, guiding me and molding me into the passionate worshipper that He has called me to be.

The more I seek You,
The more I find You.
The more I find You,
The more I love You.

I wanna sit at Your feet,
Drink from the cup in Your hand,
Lay back against You and breathe,
Feel Your heart beat.

This love is so deep;
It's more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace,
It's overwhelming.

Fourteen.

2007-04-24T21:06:00.000-05:00

Frustration.

I hate it. I like to know what is going on ahead of time and to be absolutely sure about it happening the way it should.

Currently, I'm dealing with frustration. May 10th is a Thursday, the day I have piano lessons each week. This one happens to be the last one before my piano recital. Well, my choir teacher at school, Mrs. Harris, is apparently having some sort of after-school rehearsal that day for two performances which happen to be another one of my problems. These performances are Friday and Saturday, May 11th and 12th. Our choirs are singing with the Arkansas Symphony. ...Big deal and I'm excited about it, but as you may know, the Young Warriors Weekend is on that Friday, too. During the service I am in a human video and will be singing with the worship team. Well, these two events obviously conflict with each other, which brings frustration into my life. [Sigh....] I asked my choir teacher if it would be excused if I just missed the Friday night performance without losing a ton of points, on account of another event that is very important to me and that I'm already committed to being apart of. She said that it wouldn't be excused and that the only religious excuse for missing one of the performances is for this Jewish girl that isn't supposed to be out after sundown for some holiday or something on Friday. Then she told me to "see if I could get it worked out." [Another sigh....]

So I got home and told my mom that she said it wouldn't be excused and reminded her that for the past 5 years I've had straight A's in Vocal Music and that one B or C isn't going to make me cry or anything. She said she'd right a note explaining that to the teacher, so I was fine with that.... Until I told her about maybe not being able to go the Thursday after-school rehearsal because of piano lessons, which is the day before the Symphony thing.

Right now, I'm waiting for tomorrow to see what time the rehearsal will be over on the Thursday, so that if we're done by at least 5:30, I can switch lessons with Jonathan (we have the same teacher...I go at 5:30 to 6 on Thursdays and he goes from 6 to 7).

I hate not knowing things! Its like a kid waiting ever-so impatiently for his mom to get home so he can ask about spending the night with his best friend. The poor kid is just tired of not knowing; he's just ready to be able to call his friend and say, "YES! I can come over!"

{God, help me have peace and a calm spirit about all of this. I don't want to be a worry-wart (After all, who wants to be a wart? HA! [That was my comic relief portion of the post, in case you didn't notice.]). Let me find out what I need to find out and make the best decisions this week. Thank You for being with me in the fire, even if it is only a little-bitty fire.}

Pray that everything works out and that I can make it to the Thursday rehearsal, piano lessons, the Young Warriors Weekend, and the Arkansas Symphony performance on Saturday, which is a lot, I know.

Thirteen.

2007-04-16T21:48:00.000-05:00

Over the past few months, I have really began to develop some meaningful relationships with certain people in my life. When I say that, friends like Brian Harte, Jonathan Pillow, Stephanie Ott, Jill Jacobs, Chris France, and John Rennard come to mind. I cherish these relationships.

I wonder, have you ever really thought about relationships? Have you taken the time to realize how important they are in the development of your character?

Just think about it.... God made a lot of people. And we have the opportunity to find the right people to share and combine strengths and build one another up and to walk together towards Christ everyday. Thank God for friends because without them I would be a helpless individual, stranded in the middle of loneliness, wondering how I'll ever give God what He deserves by myself.

Even Jesus had close friends. In fact, I bet if He was writing this blog he would've listed names like John, Matthew, Luke, Mark, Judah, Peter, and Paul. They stuck together and stood up for each other, gave each other a hand when needed, laughed together, prayed together, and ate together. That's friendship, isn't it? People who love each other enough to sit down and talk over a meal, or share a few laughs, or pray for each other.

That's what I love about hanging out with those friends. They spend time with me and make an effort to show me that they care about me. And all the way, they help me grow. These friends are the kind of people that don't talk behind my back or lie to me. You wonder how I know? Its because we share a thing called trust. And trust is great! To know that around these people I can be comfortable.

Thank you friends for investing your time and energy into my life! You make me feel safe when I'm around you. You make me feel loved and you grow me closer to Christ. Thanks! I cherish your friendships!

Twelve.

2007-04-05T22:00:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking all day about a good topic for this week's blog, but couldn't think of anything. I thought about talking about music, but couldn't decide what to say, so I finally decided to put one of my songs (and Jonathan's) on here. Jonathan and I wrote this song last summer and made a few adjustments recently. I'll probably put more of my songs on here as time passes. Tell me what you think and maybe I will show you how it goes sometime.

[I couldn't get the chords to show up right, but so you know and if you even care, it's in the key of G.]

Here's Our Song

Words and music by

Jonathan Pillow & Timothy Hill

Verse 1:
When the righteous see our God in action; they’ll laugh, they’ll sing!
They’ll know God’s Spirit’s alive in every generation.
They’ll laugh and sing for joy!

Verse 2:
All the nations bless God with a passion; they love to praise!
‘Cause God gives power and strength to all who worship.
We live to praise You, Lord!

Pre-Chorus:
Listen, Father, to the sound of all Your people’s praises!

Chorus:
Here’s our song, O God!
We lift You up with

All our hearts and souls!
We live to praise You, Lord

Verse 3: (2x)
Let all God’s children prepare their hearts for worship; they live to praise!
They’ll spend their lives in constant acclamation.
We live to praise You, Lord!

Bridge:
Ha – llelu – jah! (4x) (We live to praise You!)
(drums only)
Ha – llelu – jah! (2x)

Tag:
We live to praise You, Lord! (3x)
We live to praise You, Lord!

Eleven.

2007-03-30T10:23:00.000-05:00

To type "Eleven." for the title seems so cool because I have started a weekly tradition that could last me a lifetime for all I know. Someday, when I'm at "Five-hundred and fifty-two." I'll look back and see what was going on in my teenage life and laugh a little I'm sure. By then I'll be a worship leader and maybe have written a book or two. I'll probably have a wife and kids, as well. Isn't that cool? Now seems like it's as good as it will ever be and that now IS my life, but it's not. There's a later and an in the future. But it's up to me now, how I make the later and in the future happen.

[long pause in the reading of this post]

I'm reading a book by Louie Giglio called "i am not but i know I AM". It's great. I really love his writing after reading "The Air I Breathe", so I bought it this week and started reading. He says that the real story of life is God--I AM--the main character and true star of time and eternity. He is at center stage in all of Creation, and He wants you to know Him by name. Knowing I AM means celebrating your smallness in light of His greatness.

That's awesome. To know the huge and powerful Creator of the universe by His name. It's not just that He knows my name, but that I actually know His, too. So, we're friends with the Maker of all things. It's the realization that I am small and that God is big, yet I can be up-front and personal with Him that amazes me. And also that since we are little and He is big, we don't need to waste our time making a big deal out of ourselves. We need to constantly put the light on God, which we know commonly as worship.

I encourage you to read this book, if you haven't already. It has definitely changed my way of thinking about life and mine and Christ's relationship. Thanks for reading this week!

Ten.

2007-03-22T23:57:00.000-05:00

Do you know what that means? You're ONE DECADE!

Have you ever been just satisfied? Even though things around you may be a mess. That's how I feel right now. My family has gone through a lot this year, as a few of you may know, but even yet, I am content with where I am in life. Last Sunday, C.T. read us a verse about being content, even with unusual circumstances. I think I've made it to that point. Sure there are things that bother me in life, but I'm still satisfied. Things like really accomplishing a consistent quiet time and practicing piano daily, getting things done like fixing my door lock, buying bulbs for my lamps and frames for two of my pictures, and a couple of other things. I'm fine with where I am and who I've become.

My sister, Arin, and her husband, Seth, are great examples of contentment. Arin is a "haircut lady" and Seth cleans parking lots with a street sweeper truck. They teach Sunday School at Christian A/G in Sherwood. They also live in a partially complete home. They have sheets for doors and are living in basically two rooms. They have two cars, one of which isn't very nice at all, that they drive thirty minutes to work and church and thirty minutes back everyday. Despite their circumstances, they are happy people. They really enjoy life as it is. Sure they would like to hurry and finish their house and eventually buy Seth a truck, but for now, they are content with unusual circumstances.

I wish the world was content. What if everyone was happy with where they are in life?

Tell me what you think.

Nine.

2007-03-19T11:00:00.000-05:00

Fresh. Renewed. Sure. Alive.

I am these.

Life has been quite a mess these last few days. Thursday I thought I was going to explode, I had so many things to do. For Friday, I had two projects due (simple, but important) and two tests (Algebra 2 PAP, and World History PAP), as well as piano lessons from 5:30-6. That night I worked and worked and got my projects done. Friday came and I didn't even finish my math test. I had about seven questions left. Then I took my history test and who knows how I did on that. 80% of the class usually gets D's and F's on every test, after studying. After that the day was great. I went to Fine Arts and worked sound with P.J. in the Reality Room. And Saturday was great, too, except that I was very tired. By Sunday morning, I wasn't ready for church and I really didn't feel like worshipping. I was ready to nap in Sunday School, SLAM, and Drama practice.

But tonight during worship, I thought back to what Pastor Rod said this morning and knew that God was with me the whole time and that He is taking care of me. After I realized that, I felt like worshipping and suddenly became excited and awake in His presence.

At a certain point of the service, I stopped singing. Not because I was tired, but because I noticed something that I don't guess I've ever really listened to. I heard an entire congregation singing to God with passion. I heard a church that loves God and loves each other. I heard keenagers and young adults and students and little kids singing in unison to the same God for different reasons.

I began to thank God for a worship leader that puts his heart and time and energy into planning and leading services that initiate intimate connection with the Creator. I thanked Him for a senior pastor that has a passion for reaching the lost and for truly caring about every soul. I thanked Him for youth pastors that care about their students and their students' friends and campuses; who have devoted their lives to growing students into rock-solid Christ-followers.

Our church made me proud. Congratulations, First Assembly! You're doing it right. You're doing exactly what God desires from us.

The moral of the story: God is with us in the fire. We just have to look for Him. I found Him tonight, waiting to wrap His arms around me and give me blessed assurance.

Eight.

2007-03-08T20:29:00.000-05:00

[I'm not sure, but I think "aspiration" is the "-ation" word of "aspire". I'm going to use the term anyway.]

An incredible aspiration it is, the life-journey towards leading souls in worship....

I'm ready to graduate college and get started in my career as a worship leader. Not to blow off my youth, but to finally become what I have been aspiring to become for quite some time.

This journey has been very neat to me....

I'll tell you the story:

It basically all started about 4 years ago, in January of 2003 (6th grade) when I decided to join the Reality Worship Team. So I did; I tried out with the song "My Glorious". From that point until May 18, 2005 I learned so much about leading worship behind a worship leader and even more about the musical aspect of the worship part of services. You wonder what happened on May 18, `05? I lead worship in Reality for the very first time! I lead "King of Majesty" and since it was the Tribute to the Eighth Grade night (my last night in J.H. and the last night I was to sing on the worship team under P.Steve's leadership as it was) I asked that the other song we sang be "My Glorious", the song I tried out with. That May 18th was the beginning of my great aspiration. The next Sunday night Reality sang in the sanctuary and guess what? I lead "King of Majesty"! That night before I walked up to sing, Pastor Steve told the congregation something that I will never forget. He quoted I Timothy 4:12 (at the top of my page under "My 4th Blog"). "Don't let anyone put you down because you're young." I like that. That brought a lot of self-confidence and desire to do more as a student and as a developing leader.

Since then I've co-lead worship with Mike and lead by myself a few times Reality. The coolest thing is that two times recently I have lead worship without Mike. I picked songs, conducted practice, and lead both services. It is the most awesome thing in the world, to have such a head-start in the thing you plan to do for the rest of your life, and to do something so important and necessary to do correctly, as a student (the people in the world who are considered immature and unreliable in most things).

Also, in between 8th and 9th grade I came up to the church every Tuesday and worked with Pastor Steve. He taught me so many things when we were at lunch or in the car or just sitting in his office discussing "The Air I Breath" by Louie Giglio. Between 9th and 10th grade I came to the church on Mondays, went to the staff meetings, and spent the day with P.Steve. I really enjoy spending that time with such an awesome mentor and role model.

Someday I want a Timothy to come hang out with me in my office and ride in my car so that I can teach him what an awesome thing worship and leading it is.

I can't wait to do it full time! Its going to be great!

Seven.

2007-03-01T19:41:00.001-05:00

I like the number 7.

I also like rain. And it rained today.

It was sort of uncomfortable wearing a backpack and holding a tux, bag, and umbrella at the bus stop this morning, but that didn't bother me too much. As a matter of fact, I overcame my circumstances well enough to listen to the peaceful drumming of the rain on my umbrella. I decided once I was on the bus that my favorite sound was rain, specifically rain that beats on an umbrella.

The whole rain thought led me on to remember Jason Dorsey's (AR Youth Alive missionary) illustration when he spoke at G5 Effect, Feb. 23rd, about the journey just one water molecule takes and has taken and will take during the existence of Earth. He made me come to a realization that there are just as many water molecules as their always has been and always will be. And they are the exact same molecules as they have been and will be. This is simply because of the nature of the water cycle.

I'm thinking...wow! This rain that I'm listening to on my umbrella while I have a handful of tuxes and bags and things quite possibly could be the same water that was evaporated out of Adam and Eve's bath, so to say, or better yet from the water Jesus was baptized in, or the water Pastor John spit out when he brushed his teeth with a few weeks ago (thank God for the water purification people at Central Arkansas Water). Who knows where my umbrella water has been!

That's what is neat. God knows where it has been. He remembers making that water molecule. Of all the droplets in the world, he remember that umbrella droplet specifically. He knows where it's been and where it is headed.

Same with us! He knows where we've been and exactly where we're going. He cares about us and wouldn't let us go down some other "water molecule's" path.

Don't worry. God is on your side. He'll never let you go. You are His. He knows exactly who you are and He cares enough to send you the right direction, just like he knows about the rain I like to listen to.

I hope you like my analogy. It's quite a bit different, but I kind of like it.

Have a great week!

Six.

2007-02-21T23:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, P.Rod this post is for you! Haha.

Since we're getting ready to have our 3rd Connect With God Night this Sunday, I've decided to talk about worship.

Now, obviously, I love to worship and to express my worship with music. But, what is my music compared to my entire life? Why do we find ourselves so often leaving out the key part of why we were created?

If you made a world with living beings, wouldn't you want those beings that you put so much effort into and care so much about to give you credit for making them and to recognize your superiority? I know I would. Think about how God feels when we, His living beings, don't give Him credit for our lives and recognize how big and mighty He is. I'd be frustrated if I were Him. I'd want at least a little bit of love from my people.

That's what God wants: love, worship.

That's worship! It's love and recognition for God's existance. He made us to love Him and give Him the glory. And not just some of the glory, but all of the glory we can give. He expects us to live our everyday lives for His glory. Not just during our 10 minute quiet time; or only when we sing in the car; or just when we go to church--but all the time! He takes care of us all the time, so why can't we worship Him all the time?

I want to make God a bigger part of who I am. I want Him to be my style; the way I look and act. I want God as deep in my heart as I can get Him. I want to worship. And not just sing songs and read the Bible and pray, but to live and breathe Godliness, holiness.

Five.

2007-02-12T19:22:00.000-05:00

Procrastination....

I'm actually, believe it or not, a procrastinator. I basically only do what I feel like doing or what seems fun to me.

That's bad, I know. I always say to myself, 'Oh, I'll do that right after I...' or 'I need to get that done' or write down in my school planner "work on ____ project," but almost every single time, I don't do it right after anything or get it done early or work on projects. Basically, I wait until the night before something is due and then do it real quick, praying all the while that I finish and that I'll get a good grade.

That stinks. I don't like being a procrastinator. So don't think I was boasting about my incredible skills of putting things off just then. I wasn't.

Pretty much, I'm expecting some good advice or encouragement to stop putting things off.

Anything to say...?

Four.

2007-02-04T21:02:00.000-05:00

I'll start off with this...

I hate school.

There. I said it. I actually feel a little better now that I've just vented that. Actually, since saying it was so relieving, I think I'll elaborate a little on the subject.

I am personally not a big fan of homework. I think that's the whole problem with school. I think students would love going to school if they didn't have to worry about turning in incomplete homework or just not turning in any homework at all. I mean, let's face it: we don't like sitting for 8 hours everyday listening to and doing pointless paperwork for bogus teachers who care less about how we're going to die when our parents see the D we have on our PAP Algebra 2 exam, only to find out that in half of our classes the man/lady decided that it was necessary for us to do more work at home during our remaining 5 or 6 hours of the day.

Seriously, though, the average adult doesn't bring home their actual job to finish during their free time everyday. Sure maybe they talk about it or bring something home every now and then, but not every stinkin' day. That would be stupid. Right? Right.

So, I think school is dumb because we have homework. That's why. Not because of bullies or mean teachers or gross food at lunch or too many rules or something, but pretty much just because we have to do 15 algebra problems in math, write about 20 dead people in history, answer 50 questions about Julius Caesar in English, do a confusing packet in science, and copy 25 Spanish vocabulary terms from the text book to a spiral notebook, it seems like, every time you turn around. And what really bothers me is that some teachers have the nerve to give me that much on a Wednesday night. Just in case you haven't noticed, I'm a little busy on Wednesday nights. I got some praisin' to take care of that night of the week.

Pretty much my current homework status is that I have 16 really extensive problems in PAP ALgebra 2 (because Mr. Dare thought we needed some math to hold us over incase it snowed), 18 questions in PAP World History (because Ms. Manees thought we needed some busy work to hold us over incase it snowed), All-State choir music that needs to be learned for the postponed tryouts since it snowed Friday, and some Science Fair work to do for PAP Biology. (I haven't started on any of it yet....)

Lord, help me not fail math. Mr. Dare says in order to do well in his class we need to study 30 minutes everyday. I don't like that. That is boring and truly a waste of my time, considering that I don't even remember what we talked about a week ago in his class. But whatever....

I can't wait for 2009, and then for 2013. NO MORE HOMEWORK! WOO HOO!

Ummm.... I guess I've ran out of words to complain. Sorry for my negativity. Have a great week!? Uhhh....

Okay, bye.

Three.

2007-01-27T13:37:00.000-05:00

Last night, I had the opportunity to hang out with Coy and Jay Paul, some deaf members of our church. I didn't realize how fun sign language really is until last night. The group consisted of me, John Rennard, a friend of his (that I don't know), Julie Derden, Stephanie Ott, Coy, and Jay Paul. I had such an awesome time getting to know Coy and Jay Paul and learning more and more sign language as the night progressed. I'm actually surprised that I know as much as I know now, just from one night and a few other times hanging out with John and Stephanie.

Coy and Jay Paul are such great people. I'd met them before and signed the few words I knew then, but I'd never really gotten to know them until last night.

Friendship makes me very happy. I really like relationships. Its so much fun to spend time in fellowship with other people. That's why I love our church. Everyone loves each other and really cares about each other's well being. Thanks First A/G!

Two.

2007-01-20T22:09:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday I had the opportunity to lead worship in Reality by myself. It was my second time to do it, and let me tell ya--it was GREAT! I love leading worship. In fact, I plan to be a worship leader when I "grow up." This is what I live for. God made me to do this and I really enjoy it. I thank Him for the leaders like Mike Winslow, Pastor Steve, Pastor Rod, and Chris France that are apart of my journey and who have helped mold me into the person I am now. (One of them, particularly, has made the most incredible impact on my life since I was a wee little 6th grader).

In case you haven't noticed or don't remember me as a 6th grader, Pastor Steve is my role model. I like who he is and what he does. He is the perfect example of leadership. I don't "follow" him because he's perfect and I want to be exactly like him and copy his every move. I "follow" him because he is heading towards God full-speed and is way ahead of me on the same path that I have chosen to take, worship leading. All the way I go on the journey of worship leading and leadership itself, P.Steve is guiding me.

I love that. Imagine what last Wednesday would have been like if someone like Pastor Steve hadn't been apart of my life for the past 5 years. I'm sure it would have been a disaster.

[Thanks, Pastor Steve for teaching me and for caring about me. That means a lot. P.Steve, you have made my 2nd Blogger topic because you are one of the biggest parts of my journey as a Christ-follower, a leader, and a worshipper. Thanks! I love you!]

For the rest of you 2 or 3 that read this thing (which is pitiful, by the way, that only three people commented on the last one...and I really hope more people start commenting on my posts), thanks for reading this even though it has nothing to do with anything that really concerns you. I just really thought it necessary to sort of dedicate a post to the guy that has inspired me the most during my Christian walk.

[Chris, I hope you read this one fast, too, because I wrote a lot again. LOL!]

One.

2007-01-12T14:08:00.000-05:00

I've decided to just number each of my titles, so if you don't understand the Arabic number system, I'm sorry.

This is my 4th blog, as I'm sure you know by reading the top of the page. I have an account on Xanga (which I don't really use anymore), Myspace, and a Facebook. This one I have chosen to be my more serious blog, I guess you could say. Here I will display my input on my spiritual growth. So, I might as well get started now....

I am a musician, right? So I like music. Well, mostly just worship music. I figure if I love God and I love music, I might as well just put the two together. So, I like God music--music that I can worship God with and use as a bridge from life and its tragedies to God's saving grace. [At this point, I am amazed at my sweet sentence-structuring skills.] And get this...I not only like to listen to, sing, and play (on the piano) worship music, but I also like to write my own songs. I've written or started writing, so far, about 15 songs. I really enjoy it. While you like playing video games or playing basketball, I like sitting at my Yamaha and brainstorming, doodling with notes, and writing down the things that pop up in my mind and flow out through my fingers and my mouth.

My songs usually show my mood at the time of writing. So they are practically my thoughts attached with rhythm, tune, and sometimes rhyme. I hope someday soon I will be able to debut one of my songs that Pastor Steve helped me write two summers ago. That, to me, just seems so exciting to be able to hear a band play a song that I actually came up with. Wow. I can't wait!

Anyway, I think I've talked long enough. I tend to get caught up in my rambling sometimes. LOL! So please forgive me for using up the last hour of your time reading this.